Robin Uthappa shared his experience of dealing with clinical depression. He revealed that he had suicidal thoughts on a daily basis and had a really long battle between 2009 and 2011.
Uthappa on his battle with clinical depression
Speaking in a session of ‘Mind, Body, and Soul’, a platform by the Royal Rajasthan Foundation, the right-handed batsman Robin Uthappa shared his battles with clinical depression. Between 2009 and 2011 he used to have suicidal thoughts on a daily basis which eventually helped him having extremely aware of himself and clear thoughts. He said that during his early days he did not clarity on his thoughts much. “Right now, I am extremely aware of myself and really clear on my thoughts and myself. It’s easier for me to catch myself now if I’m slipping somewhere in someplace.”
He further shared, “I feel I ‘ve reached this place because I’ve gone through those tough phases wherein, I was clinically depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I remember around 2009 to 2011, it was constant and I would deal with that on a daily basis.”
Uthappa explained how cricket was not even close to his thoughts at that time. “There were times where I wasn’t even thinking about cricket, it was probably the farthest thing in my mind. I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what’s happening to my life and in which direction am I heading.”
How cricket offered temporary help
Although cricket helped him divert from the thoughts and deal with the conditional temporarily but on non-match days, he had tough times. “Cricket kept my mind off of these thoughts but it became really difficult on non-match days and during the offseason. On days I would just be sitting there and would think to myself on the count of three, I’m going to run and jump off of the balcony but something kind of just held me back.”
Maintaining a diary at this point helped Uthappa as he could learn about himself as a person. “That is when I started noting this down about myself in a diary and started the process of just understanding myself as a person.” According to India’s 2007 T20I World Cup-winning team member, negative is sometimes necessary for one’s growth. “I feel sometimes being negative is necessary. I’m someone who believes in the balance of life and I believe one cannot at all times be positive in life. Being negative or having negative experiences, going through trials and tribulations is sometimes necessary for one’s own growth.”